Amended Deal Secures His Place as the Most Overpaid Coach in the Universe
Oh boy, folks! It’s official! Kansas coach Bill Self has just inked the biggest coaching deal in the history of coaching! That’s right, the man who has led his team to exactly zero championships in the past decade has just been given a raise that will make him the highest paid coach in the game.
But wait, it gets even better! Not only will Self be raking in the dough, but he’ll also be given a private jet, a personal butler, and a lifetime supply of buffalo wings. Because, you know, that’s what coaches really need – more perks to make their already cushy lives even more indulgent.
Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “But wait, isn’t this the same guy who has led his team to exactly zero championships in the past decade?” And to that, we say, “Pshaw! Who needs championships when you can have a private jet and a lifetime supply of buffalo wings?”
But don’t just take our word for it! Here’s what Self had to say about his new deal: “I’m thrilled to be the highest paid coach in the history of coaching! It just goes to show that if you can lead a team to exactly zero championships in the past decade, you too can be a millionaire!”
And there you have it, folks! The ultimate example of how the college coaching system is completely broken. But hey, at least we can all look forward to watching Self’s team choke in the first round of the tournament every year, all while knowing that he’s making more money than any of us will see in our entire lives.
So go ahead, Kansas fans! Keep on shelling out the big bucks for tickets to watch your team underperform year after year. Because, as we all know, there’s nothing more fun than watching a team that will never win a championship.
